My Life vs My Fatness

When you stop and consider everything that makes you ‘You’, do you have a tendency to list all of the roles you play?

I do.

Board Member

Sometimes those lists can look impressive (kind of like creating a To-Do List where the first item on the list is “Create To-Do List” and you get to check it off instantly). Many times, however, these lists call to mind all of the requirements that are attached to those roles.

Wife – best friend, lover, partner
– cook, janitor, chauffeur, nurse, teacher
– researcher, leader, teacher, volunteer, marketing director
– active listener, partner in crime, activity partner
– organizer, resource manager, all the things
Board Member
– advisor, volunteer, fundraiser

That’s… a lot.

I think that’s why, when someone expresses confusion regarding my size, my head just kind of… tilts… and I stare at them like they’ve grown a second head.

You just confused Sir Pugglestein. Way to go.

I mean, hey! I’m fat AND I’m doing all of those things (and all the things that make up all of those things), AND I exercise, AND I still manage to find (some) time to sleep… so how can they possibly ask that kind of thing about me?

Oh… right.
Fat = Lazy.
Totes forgot.

I’m talking about the “Fat People Are Fat Because They Are Lazy” trope.

A study at the University of Alberta addressed this very thing. Research showed that fat and thin people – doing the same thing (in this case, laying down on a couch) – were thought of differently; thin people were ‘resting’, and fat people were ‘lazy’. A quick Google search will come back with 5.63 million hits for “fat people lazy”, because it’s just that common a belief.


The confusing of causation (what causes something) and correlation (what can correlate with another thing) has been messing people up for ages. For example, we have learned that smoking cigarettes causes lung cancer – this is causal (causation) – and that heavy smokers may also drink socially and / or be sleep deprived – this is correlation. Things that are causal will always be correlated, but not vice versa… much like how every square is a rectangle, but not every rectangle is a square.

So, repeat after me:
“Someone’s size does not depict their activity level.”
… and even if it did, back off: not your body, not your concern.

This entire train of thought was born when I was sharing my plans with a coworker to participate in the SoCal Warrior Dash in April, and the look on her face was one of incredulity. She recovered well, and didn’t say anything that would have called for a foot-from-mouth-ectomy, but… come on; when you’ve been discriminated against all your life, you know what each expression means.

There is a conversation – a forceful, confident conversation – that needs to happen in this world… a conversation wherein we emphasize the importance of body autonomy and mutual respect, and show how to dismiss the belief that worthiness is tied to size.

Stay tuned, Lovelies.

Plump Me Up, Scotty!

When I started this blog a while nearly two years ago, I shared the goals I had for my body with you and, as it was my Very First Blog Post, I had maybe all of four readers and all of None comments… and I feel like that lack of conversation led to a lack of accountability, which – you guessed it! – led to a lack of results. This made me a sad, sad Plump Girl.

I don’t like my results to lack, and I have a Really Big Goal to hit, so it’s time to jump back on the wagon.

Let’s review, shall we? 

Everything. This is everything.

Everything. This is everything.

  1. I want to tone & strengthen what I currently have.
  2. I want to add curves to my hips, butt, and tummy.
  3. I want to model, professionally.
  4. I want to participate in the sports/activities of my choosing.

In order to reach those goals, I organized my plan into three phases.

  • Phase One: Muscle Up!
    • Yes, I have FANTASTIC legs and a killer rack, but I would love to build strength in my legs and arms for better movement and flexibility, while also tightening my core.
  • Phase Two: Curve On!
    • That’s right… I want to ADD curves to the very places most women pay thousands of dollars to prevent that very thing, because I think know it would look incredible on me. This applies to my hips, butt, tummy and boobs.
  • Phase Three: Step Out!
    • This is where modeling and sports participation really come into play. I teach free self-defense classes as part of my volunteer life, and cannot wait to be as strong physically as I feel, mentally… and not to mention the satisfaction of seeing myself all dolled-up!

Oh, crap. You know what’s missing?
I totally forgot to tell you how much weight I want to lose!

"I could eat this scale, I'm so hun - oh, hi! APPLE!"

“I could eat this scale, I’m so hun – oh, hi! APPLE!”

just kidding.

I don’t have any desire to lose weight… and I’m 270 lbs.

How about that?

Contrary to popular belief, not every body-related goal has to do with losing weight. Aside from the evidence that backs up the very real, very possible, very is-already-happening-with-hundreds-of-thousands-of-fat-people-but-it’s-somehow-still-a-huge-freaking-deal idea that someone can be fat AND healthy, there are even people out there who prefer themselves at a higher weight than may be socially prescribed.

Like… me.

Now, you know what usually comes along after someone makes such a radical statement of self-love that goes against so much of what we believe, as a society, right?

“You’re just lazy – that’s why you say you ‘want to be fat’.”
“You’d be so much prettier if you lost a few/lot…”
“Have you ever actually TRIED to lose weight? I bet you could, if you tried.”

I’ve been skinny. Didn’t like it. Not for me.

I was my heaviest weight when I was 23 years old, which was about 435 lbs.
It did not feel good on my body – it was difficult to get off the couch, my knees ached from the added weight/stress on them, and I was short of breath just from walking to the front door.

I was my smallest weight when I was 25 years old, which was about 190 lbs.
I’d had a vertical banded gastroplasty (or, VBG) a year prior, and had lost over 200 lbs. I was “healthy”, in that all my co-morbidities (pre-diabetes, hypertension, poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, fatty liver) were gone, even though I was still considered ‘overweight’ by the BMI calculations… but when I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a stranger I was being told I should admire and be proud of.


The only thing is, I didn’t see her that way.

I didn’t like the way I looked; the sharp lines of my collarbones and hips made me feel awkward. The way my clothes, even the new, smaller ones, would hang on my frame where my hips should have been made me feel frumpy. Snuggling my newborn felt like a dangerous activity.

Answering all the well-meaning, good nature-d questions my friends and family would pose to me about how good I must be feeling and how much I must finally enjoy going shopping made me feel dissected and fake.

It was then that I realized that I preferred a size and shape somewhere in the middle.

A Really Big Goal to Hit

In April of 2017, I plan on attending my second Warrior Dash, this time in Chino, California!
And, this time, I won’t sprain my ankle two days before the Dash and have to be sidelined!
And I’ll be sure to bring two towels, not just one!
And I’ll try not to think about how many *other* fluids are in the mud pit at the end!


Anyway, my team is the MissFits 4 Life, and is led by the unbelievable Missy Fitzgerald. Over the last five years, we have raised over $100,500 for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital, who is the organization we run for… which, honestly, is the only way you will ever, ever, EVER get my ass to run.

I was not joking.

I was not joking.

Lucky (?) for me, there’s a hell of a lot more to the Warrior Dash than running; this is an obstacle course full of things to climb on and over, the aforementioned Most-Parts-Are-Mud Mud to wade through, fire to jump over and more. It’s something that really excites me and would be a total high to complete.

That’s why I want to get back on top of my goals… especially “Phase One”, where muscling-up is required… and then move on to making sure my Muscle-to-Plump ratio is where I want it to be.

Here’s a hint: it will be heavy on the ‘plump’.

I’ll keep you updated on how it goes, and would love to hear your feedback… as well as any goals you have for yourself / your body that are outside of the norm.

Please don’t make me run,

How A Chin Hair Made Me Cry

Funny enough, it was finding a chin hair in the mirror the other morning that finally had me in tears.

You know how, sometimes, you find yourself overwhelmed by the sheer number of items on your To-Do List, and you wonder how you’ll find the time to get it all done and not let any of the balls drop and all you can do is cry while your husband stares at you like you grew a third head?
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*Guest Post* Overcoming an Eating Disorder

A couple of weeks ago, I put a call/challenge/plea out on my Facebook page asking for Guest Bloggers who would be interested in sharing their experiences fighting the fight against All Things Expected Of Their Bodies / Body Type.

The level of response was incredible!

About our Guest Blogger

Her personality is even *more* colorful!

Her personality is even *more* colorful!

Brittany is a mother, a wife, and a friend that I have never had the joy of meeting in person. That’s Facebook for you, right? What I value in her, however, doesn’t require a close proximity to appreciate; she says it best herself:

“I’m fighting for the girls who never thought they could win.”

How can you not love that?

Enough of my blither-blather! Here’s Brittany’s post, all about how her children, husband, mental illness, and a rare medical condition rescued her from an eating disorder. I think you’ll agree that it’s truly worth the read.


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*Guest Post* 100-Day Challenge!

Last week, I put a call/challenge/plea out on my Facebook page asking for Guest Bloggers who would be interested in sharing their experiences fighting the fight against All Things Expected Of Their Bodies / Body Type.

The level of response was incredible!

About our Guest Blogger

Of course I knew that, of everyone who wanted to tell their story, my BFF would come through first.
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Dare to BE: Boudoir Shoot Time!

I can’t believe this took so long to get to you!
What can I say? I had to migrate my website, and then ALL FOUR of my kids got sick, then I discovered how much I like eating store-brand Nutella straight from the jar (no middleman!), then there was a work event to prepare for…



Insert “wailing of shame”, here.
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Too Much Sex

I never thought I’d see the day I’d write those words: “Too Much Sex”. It feels like something has died a little inside… which is why I am making the important clarification between the act, and the adjective.

We’re talking “adjective” today, people.
Call off your mob.

To that end, BuzzFeed Video recently did something… I don’t know, I’ll go with “pretty cool”. I’d give them an A for effort, at least. Continue reading

10 Ways to Get Your Pre-Baby Body Back!

  1. Don’t have sex in the first place.
  2. Don’t have sex in the first place.
  3. Don’t have sex in the first place.
  4. Don’t have sex in the first place.
  5. Don’t have sex in the first place.
  6. Don’t have sex in the first place.
  7. Hire a personal trainer, nutritionist, chef, and life coach and make 20 virgin sacrifices every third blood moon while hopping on your non-dominant foot facing west.
  8. Don’t have sex in the first place.
  9. Don’t have sex in the first place.
  10. Don’t have sex in the first place.

Now, I don’t know about you, but NONE OF THOSE ARE A FUCKING OPTION FOR ME.
Continue reading

I Can Haz YouTube!

Turns out, even with all these newfangdangled ways to stay ‘connected’ with each other and meet new people out in the world, sometimes you just need to look into someone’s eyes when they’re talking to you.

… okay, so, this is really more of a “look into someone’s recorded eyes”, but still.
It’s a start. Don’t judge me.

This first video just so happens to be all about my Dare to BE challenge. I wanted to find a way to communicate even more clearly just how much I want to help you, or someone you know, face a fear and overcome it.

I plan on releasing vlog updates on a fairly regular basis, with one of the next ones when I am ready to show you all the photos from my Dare to BE: Boudoir challenge… which should be in the next couple of weeks!

In the meantime, what would *you* like to see?

Hugs and Subscribes,